


Need

by TempestandTeacup



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hannibal Loves Will, M/M, Mind Palace, Post-Episode: s03e13 The Wrath of the Lamb, Vulnerable Hannibal, Will Loves Hannibal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 03:54:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11222787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TempestandTeacup/pseuds/TempestandTeacup
Summary: Hannibal's need for Will has always been a source of contention within himself, though he believed he had made peace with it since their fall 6 months ago. Now that he is left alone with his thoughts in their home while Will is away, he is not so sure. He makes a visit to his mind palace to see if he can find some answers.





	1. Fearing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [northern](https://archiveofourown.org/users/northern/gifts), [Dapperscript](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dapperscript/gifts).



> For my two Hannibal muses~  
> Northern---for first making me fall in love with this vulnerable side of Hannibal. I hope they always do know where to find  
> eachother.  
> Dapperscript---for making me believe I could write Hannibal when I was convinced I couldn't.

The silence is maddening.

All his life Hannibal had been used to silence. He thrived in it. It offered him the space to walk the halls of the palace in his mind and lose himself in its exploration---the vast wings a testament to the power of his imagination, enabling him to elevate even the most mundane and banal activities into something resembling a worthy interest . Silence was peaceful. Silence was golden. 

But now silence is Hannibal’s enemy. He looks around the study that he is sitting in by himself, the study he shares with Will in their new home. It is silent here, and full and empty all at the same time. 

There are rows of neatly lined books in their shelves waiting to be thumbed through, a harpsichord with unfinished sheets of his marks for a new piece he is composing. He could make his way to the record player and play any number of his favorite classical pieces he has been slowly collecting since their fall.

But now the room feels empty. Alongside his tidy little rows of books, a personalized drawing station also sits, one that Will had seen to fashion for Hannibal after taking up woodworking, a moment of rare openly indulged affection by the younger man. And nearer the harpsichord under the window sits another station of sorts that Will had set up---for himself this time, for his lures. And one must not forget the dog bed of course in the corner. Several weeks ago a rather shabby looking mix of a dog had followed his Will home and Hannibal quickly realized that he had already lost the war by the time he had found Will giving the dog a bath---in his marble bathtub no less. Hannibal had smiled though when Will called her Leda. 

Yes, this room is full of all sorts of manner of activities to occupy Hannibal’s mind, if it were so easy. But these days nothing is easy anymore it seems; if he’s being honest with himself, nothing has been since Will Graham became such an intrinsic part of his life. All of these things of Will’s now sit alongside Hannibal’s inside his study and his mind, filling both and leaving them all the more empty through their implication of his presence of which his absence this evening highlights.

And Hannibal finds this all well and truly maddening. His need for Will is something that he is only now beginning to understand he has never fully come to accept. He thought that he had. It had been 6 months since their plunge into the Atlantic. During that time they had found a place for each other within their bodies as well as their minds, a melding of both within tightly wound limbs and hitched breaths breaking through the otherwise peaceful silence of their bedroom. Theirs. 

But this study is theirs too. And there’s a silence here as well. But there is no Will Graham to break through it this time.

Hannibal knows these are foolish considerations for him. Will would be back relatively soon. These fishing trips Will takes himself on every month never last for more than a few days. And despite their obvious drawback in taking the pleasure of Will’s company from him, Hannibal cannot deny the attractive prospect of the abundance of fish that Will will inevitably bring back with him, providing them with many a delicious meal for the following weeks.

And so, Hannibal tries again. He closes his eyes, listens to the quiet, and wades into the stream of his own mind, except the water for him is the light illuminating each room that he visits and the current is the sound of his feet as he traverses them. He is only looking for two rooms this time, ones which he hopes will give him the answers he is looking for.


	2. Longing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannibal visits the first room and finds an answer.

He is in Baltimore again. If he tries hard enough, Hannibal thinks he could make out in his mind’s eye the deep, rich, familiar scent of his large mahogany desk at which he sits in the memory. It’s 7:32pm and he sees himself holding his old ledger book that he used for appointments, double checking that, yes, Will Graham is scheduled for his same weekly appointment. How unusual though---Will had not been in the waiting room when Hannibal had opened his door to welcome him promptly at seven-thirty. Will had never missed an appointment; he had never even been late. It was troubling. So there he sits at his desk, going over the possibilities for Will’s absence that night. 

Hannibal sees himself there, watching the scene play itself out in the room, his past self holding the book. And he tries to focus in on the thoughts and emotions that were going through him. He knows they are significant, that this moment is significant, because it is the only thing that could explain his actions that would soon follow.

Disappointment. Discomfiture. Dare he would call it, an anxiety of sorts. It is enough to give him pause as he looks on.

At the time, Hannibal liked to think it was merely worry on Will’s behalf that had made him take action, to immediately go and seek Will out, to find him and make sure he was okay. Reason would not dictate to him at the time that the unease that was present within himself at Will Graham’s absence had anything to do with a direct connection to his own needs. Disappointment was not a feeling that was part of Hannibal’s repertoire, at least not one ever connected to people. Oh, there had been the few times in trying out a new recipe that his hand had slipped or he had miscalculated the balance of flavors within a dish, and that produced a profound sense of disappointment that he was quick to rectify at the next endeavour. 

But disappointment in relation to Will Graham---a discomfiture of Hannibal’s mind that hinged on the presence or absence of the man---that was an entirely new feeling, and now revisiting this memory in this room within his palace, he sees it for what it was and what it really meant. 

Disappointment can only be felt when there is an expectation, a need even. He had expected something that day---Will’s presence, or more to the point, the pleasure that Will’s company brought him. When he’d been denied, he was met with disappointment instead. 

Will. Expectation. Need. 

Hannibal shudders as he watches himself shut the ledger and leave his office to head for Quantico. What a fool he had been, and much earlier on than he had previously allowed himself to believe. He would not deceive himself into believing that his need for Will was not as real as a living thing as the patients on his operating table. But Hannibal is no surgeon anymore, and he fears that he may not be able to save himself---that his need for Will will eventually swallow him whole. Looking back at it now, he realizes just how deep the hooks of that need went in and how early on.

Will truly had him from the beginning it would seem. But what was this supposed to tell him now? How is this realization supposed to help ease the discomfort of Will’s absence now that he well and truly has this man? 

Turning off the light, Hannibal walks through the frame, shutting the door to this particular memory, and makes for the next room.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you to my lovely beta merrythoughts :)


End file.
